he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
