Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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