I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
