It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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