I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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