I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
