WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just cut my nipple shaving
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
