dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
