I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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