90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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