And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
