ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
