I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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