For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There's always time for handjobs
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
