Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
