apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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