There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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