that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
