I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
