miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
