i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
