Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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