Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
