Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I love having hate sex.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
