how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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