i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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