You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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