Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
