I got her a Nickelback box set.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
