Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
