Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
