Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
