I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
