I puked a lego.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
