New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
