I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
