i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
