i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
