He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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