do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
