OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
