yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
