i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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