I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
