i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
