I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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