you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
