Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
