yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
