i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
