I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
